To the Editor:
Wow, what a close call! The Yorkville city electoral board has removed an aldermanic candidate from the April ballot for failing to number the pages on his candidacy petition. Not just one page, but both of them. Imagine confused petition readers not knowing which page to start reading first and clerks not knowing whether to file one page in front of the other, or if they should somehow go side by side. Oh, the humanity.
Fortunately, the good citizens of Yorkville will never have to worry about missing page numbers because of this menace to society. The damage he could have done to our city in the future would have been unlimited - missing commas, pencil where pen was mandated, paper clips instead of staples. Why, I'll bet he even would have used a government email account to wish his wife a happy anniversary.
Thankfully, we live in a society where the rule of case law supersedes common sense, mandating that brains be checked at the door upon entry to the chambers of government, and saving us all from outlaws who don't number their papers. I have no clue who this vanquished non-candidate is, and whether or not he is qualified to lead. Luckily, we will never have to decide.
2017 score so far: Yorkville 1, bad guys 0